Studying Alone in Winter

It's gonna be tough, and I know it. It's hard to imagine that you spend your spring festival alone in a big city, and concentrate on your study. No pain, no gain. We assume that the God is fair for everybody. I believe through this darkness, I can see the sunshine anyhow...But I couldn't help but wondering if this is true that I can get what I want. I begin to doubt it. It's said that the higher you climb, the harder you will be hit. At the bottom of my heart, I am really afraid of this. So  I prepared  not to push myself too hard on everything I do, even though sometimes it's nonesense to do something. I thought it's worth it...Am I lying to myself?

 

The worst thing you have when you are determined to do something is self-doubt. You should try your best to convince yourself to do it if you don't want to make yourself down. Obviously, I am not convinced. It does make sense that I don't want to get disappointed at last, so I am just trying to protect myself from being hit. But the result might as well be either you devote all your energy to this and you make it with flying colors, or you lose it completely while you have spent your useful time. Suddenly, I realised that I am so in the middle of this matter. Being a person without decisive power, it's really emergent and pathetic for me right now. The problems are: 1. should I try my best to learn what I am learning?  2. should I give up on this, because it's just hopeless for me to do what I am doing? Maybe these are the biggest obstacles that I have met during the process of studying alone here...Also another problem that interfered me now and then is I am all alone on the road to the end. It's quite true that if you have the special one who shares your sorrows and joy, the process can just be an excitement. Sometimes I am just so afraid of being lonely, but I can't avoid it no matter what. It's said that one part of success is loneliness, but compared with success, being together with someone is another way of success...

 

Anyway, since I have been on the road to the vague future, I should do it well. After all these things I have gone through, this may be just a small hurddle that I will cross on the road of hundreds of hurddles. Get over it and you make it, or fall down and you screw it.