This Spring

 This spring feels like winter that's perpetually frozen and I am so drained even when I know bad times won't last forever. I was hoping to see sunlight after Tuesday lunch but I am realizing reality is probably more complicated than I anticipated. I tried and I gave it all. It's almost like I pushed a pause button on my life and I know that's not fair. Every day is supposed to beautiful but there are always those moments when it's hard to breathe. I told Uncle Larry that I am scared of those dark moments and I don't know what those are. He said maybe it's panic attack. I think I will take it at least I know I am ok. 

Spring is always my favorite although it's short here. Andrew still struggles with using the bathroom on his own in the backyard. I wish Pierre and Eddie could teach him how to run around in the yard and bark at neighbor's bigger dogs whenever they want. Andrew is scared of everything and maybe the yard is indeed too big for him alone-I am worried a big bird could take him away since he is alone. I loved that he followed me when I mowed the grass. I am sure he knows he is vulnerable too since his brothers are not here to protect him. He doesn't seem to mind loud noise from the lawn mower and apparently following me is his first priority.