Monday, December 24, 2007

On Xmas Eve

Well, technically, it's already Christmas now, not eve, but it doesn't matter. Anyway, for the record, I just want to remind myself that I should just enjoy the last Christmas here in SJTU. There were lots of things going on lately, and honestly it was really rough to have gone so far till now. I am still waiting for my day to come, but it seems the more I want something, the harder for me to get it. I felt bad about that, but after I sat down to really think about it, maybe it's not as bad as I thought. The best job might not very well be the best job for me. Now, when I think about the offer I got till now, maybe I am supposed to do it. It is not some kind of a fancy job which everyone might be dreaming of, but it is down-to-earth most suitable for me at this point. I will call the HR tomorrow to confirm my decision, hopefully this is not too late, since they have been waiting for me for a long time. I was a little bit greedy to get something not belonging to me, and I failed. It was normal.

It is kind of ironic that in the end, I get back to where I started. Had I known this, I would have stopped this tedious job hunting for a long time to engage in my real business. But it's not all worthless to spend so much time on 'nothing', I finally get to know what I want, and what I should do. I should pay this price, if I don't know who I am in the first place. Thank god, the price is not too much. Thinking ahead of time is the lesson I learned this time.

Or let me look at it this way, I still get what I wanted, especially this is something I started thinking about before everything. Sometimes, I am so amazed how surprising and how coincidental everything could be in my life. I didn't mean to plan anything, but it seems everything is being well planned by myself unconsciously.

This Christmas is like last Christmas-I get time to think about my life and myself. Hopefully, this time I will not be led to some sort of dead end like I was last time. Sometimes, only praying is not enough, and instead of being superstitious, I really need to think about where I am, and what I am capable of. On the road to learn to be more sophisticated and tactful, I seem to have paid too much.

At this crucial time of my life, I hope the decisions I made are right in the future. For each decision, there would be tons of scenarios in which my life would be so dramatically different. But all of these scenarios should have just one theme-a happy life!

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