Saturday, October 28, 2006

It's All Gone

It seems that my life has to do everything with English, even when I am not planning on it, or I am not aware of it. For the moment that I entered this university, I began my plan for a better future or a ambitious future...Well, at least everybody is planning for that. Aside from this, I always think I am following my dreams and walking with my passions. But for all the time, I have been sabotaging my plans for whatever reason, and I always made excuses better than what I can come up with to convince myself that everything I did is good for my own. I despise those who cannot live with pressures or live like a man, and I scorn those who keep on cheating themselves, believing tomorrow is going to be a better day. Ironically, most likely, I am exactly one of those who I have been avoiding to be. The regret, the pain, the helplessness, the despair, the stress, all accumulated day by day, year by year, abrading my will, tearing my dreams apart. My feelings are complicated after I have finished the test that I have been preparing for as long as I can remember, but only after I have finished it did I realized that tests are important, but they are not all of my life. I want to get a decent score that I am willing to look at just as everybody else, but I also want to learn something, and more importantly grow on it.


I was high, I was low, I wanted to smile, I wanted to cry, and I had experienced so many things during 17 years of my studying. I used to take the scores as important as my life, but I was wrong. So is the test: It is significant, it is important, it can be painful, it can be sweet,  it is, however, not all at all. 


For the record, I just want to remember that I have experienced this, as I have changed to consider experiences as the most important things. I don't know when I began to think this way, but I feel that maybe this is called "mature", or hopefully, this is what I want at this time of my life...


Good Night my past, Good Morning my hopes...

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