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Wednesday, April 5, 2006

Confidence

I was listening to my mp3 in the subway this morning, and I was feeling very easy and confident like I have never experienced. Sometimes just one sudden quick thought will make you completely different, not just on the face which people can easily tell what you are thinking inside, but also inside your heart which determines your behaviour in front of the people. I admit that there are some people who can easily hide their feelings and thoughts deep inside very easily without any trace indicating anything. Though somehow I don't belong to those kind of people, yet I think if you practice a lot, you can be like that...I once heard someone telling me that the reason they like me is because my facial expression shows everything inside, happiness, sadness, anger, tiredness...But when I am doing those things, I don't have a clue of it. Ironically,  all I want to do is be like you can't find anything on my face. Yeah, I wanna be sophisticated...Well, today, for the first time, I felt I am quite experienced on my way back to my dorm...It was cool...

 

It rained a lot last night, and it got so much colder than yesterday. It was at least 25 degree centigrade yesterday, which is totally abnormal during this time of the year. In Wuhan, it was 35 degrees...that's ridiculous, but it's true. After that heavy rain last night, everything's cool today. The wind is still blowing hard, but much more chilling. Thinking of the hot weather in Shanghai, my friend told me that since it's hard to sit down and be quiet in hot summer, we should study more in the classroom lately. But since laziness is the first characteristic of the Libra, I think no matter what people will say about how emergent it is to study right now, I don't give a thing about it until I really see my grave. No push, no working...I can't believe that I am like a parasite eating the rotten flesh in the darkest corner of the forest, living day by day...I am not even realizing that what I am wasting is not just time and energy, but, more importantly, the trust from people who love me and I love...So shamed of this, but I don't have a clue of what action I am supposed to take...HELPLESS<===ME...

 

Anyways, gradually, I am still consoling myself that I won't be the least lucky guy in this word. Not looking up, I am comparing myself to the worse. This is a kind of deterioration which is killing thousands of thousands of young adults mentally, softly, and painlessly in the world. Shamefully, I am one of them...DARN...Forget about where you are going, and just enjoy where you are at--this is what I have heard most...But if you don't have goal, will you be satisfied in the end? I doubt about it...

1 comment:

  1. I think that you have changed your mind.

    ReplyDelete