Saturday, November 20, 2010



As much as I would love to know the result on Friday, nothing was released till now. So before that, I cannot really concentrate on anything else. It feels like the world is vacuumed and quiet in an uncomfortable way. The new roommate finally came in the beginning of the month and now the first floor is shared between three of us. The worries and concerns are vanishing as we found the new roommate is easy to get along with. Since ‘everybody’ has a car now, the problem wouldn’t be how we can get groceries any more-it’s whose car we are driving to get groceries. I still don’t know why Chinese students here all want to get cars when it’s not really necessary for everybody. I needed one because of my crazy schedule which made me have lost so many things and friends, but not everybody is like this. I would be happy to take my friends to do things if they need, and I certainly won’t be acting like a cheap jerk along the way. When asked why he would drive all by himself without his official license, my roommate said that he just doesn’t want to ask anybody for help. It’s ridiculous, considering the potential consequence he might suffer if he got caught, but I guess he is not the only one. When Chinese students are compared with other ethnic groups here, they are considered to be selfish, not united in our own eyes even though some outsiders think Chinese students are very united together. For me, I have my circle of friends, and I surely don’t make everybody my friends simply because I don’t have that much time, but more importantly we probably think we are better than some of them deep inside our hearts. It’s ugly and shallow, but we are not claiming that we are saints here either. And I believe the history of ours also plays an important role in this, as the reality here is that everything is dominated by the western culture, literally everything. The inferiority complex is down there somewhere, whether we realize it or not. We have glorious history and we used to be the top of the world, but now it’s not-sometimes we are pretty much at the bottom of the food chain. The difference is quite overwhelming and it’s paradoxical that we hate ourselves in certain ways. Maybe the whole thing is a little overrated in our community and I have been pondering why for a long time. Maybe it’s not that hard to understand or maybe it is. I do not have an answer, just as if I don’t know where I am heading to right now. The world is vacuumed.

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