Monday, August 20, 2007

Let Go

I picked up the last piece of my clothes in the drawer, packing them in my small bag,  and finished the cereal, putting the bowl in the sink and letting them to be washed in the evening when the host is back. The sun shined through the window, with the green leaves shadow on the floor, I put the silk pillows back on the sofa, and suddenly I felt a little bit sour in my nose. I looked through the window, gazing the dark red buildings outside next to the small lake. The wind is blowing the willows--it should be a great day.  After making the bed, and folding the pants back on the bed, I put on my bulging bag and my shoes. I looked back in the house again, trying to hold back my feelings which was overwhelming. I locked the door with the key in the kitchen, and slid the key into the house through the chink under the door. Everything was locked inside. I couldn't help but let my tears rolling down my cheeks. Everything was so quiet, but seemingly happening in a order. I left a place where I thought I could have what I was dreaming of; I left a place where I put my hope and passions; I left the happiness back, which I thought would come easily.

It will be hard to get over whatever happened in the last few months, and the fact is that I don't want to forget about it.  I somehow feel that I still stand a chance of getting everything back, maybe I am naive and silly. The world is never that simple like what I thought it would be. My rational side always tells me that I should concentrate on something else, and get over it, but my emotional side always drags me back to where I was, making me feel that nothing has happened, and everything was the same as before. I am not as sad as I thought I would be, maybe it's because things haven't sink in yet--I need time to think this through.

I fell...Nobody can help me out right now. I should learn and stand up again, because this is life. I am ok, because I still have my mind and I am not losing myself...I don't need the sympathy, because I still have my dignity which was torn to pieces, but somehow it's still there...

After all these things, I am still wondering if I let you go this time, will you get back to me?  If not, you will never be mine...

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