At the Crossroad

Time never waits for you, you should do things ahead of time before it's too late. Being in grad school for more than a year, I suddenly realized that my time of being staying here will be less and less, and time is becoming more and more precious as days go by. Had I had better plans earlier, I wouldn't be so confused and depressed right now. Because of my lack of concentration on my research, when I came back to the lab, I realized how much I have left behind. But right now, it's the crucial time in my entire life. Seeing others either going abroad to study or pursuing their doctors' degrees in the following years, I felt so much pressure. But this time, I don't have any idea what I am supposed to do next. I feel so afraid. It often occurs to me that finding a job first and then studying would be the most realistic and practical plan for me, but I just can't stop thinking that I would be a loser if I do that. Why? I don't know...17 years' studying really take a toll on me-because I think only studying would make me who I am, no matter I am interested in whatever I study or not. Or I could be wrong, because it may be true that only study can make a person a man. But right now, I don't really have an idea where I am and what I should do next. I could either force myself to study further or follow my instinct to pursue my dreams soon, but I am not sure yet. Time is tight, and things are too many...

 

What should I do? What's the best for me to do? Where should I go? I am so confused and lost right now...Suddenly I feel that I am not a child any more, who likes dreaming and playing. I need to be more practical and mature. I thought I could be different, but in the end I guess I would just be the same as others. I am naive, yes...I feel so afraid...