This Spring

 This spring feels like winter that's perpetually frozen and I am so drained even when I know bad times won't last forever. I was hoping to see sunlight after Tuesday lunch but I am realizing reality is probably more complicated than I anticipated. I tried and I gave it all. It's almost like I pushed a pause button on my life and I know that's not fair. Every day is supposed to beautiful but there are always those moments when it's hard to breathe. I told Uncle Larry that I am scared of those dark moments and I don't know what those are. He said maybe it's panic attack. I think I will take it at least I know I am ok. 

Spring is always my favorite although it's short here. Andrew still struggles with using the bathroom on his own in the backyard. I wish Pierre and Eddie could teach him how to run around in the yard and bark at neighbor's bigger dogs whenever they want. Andrew is scared of everything and maybe the yard is indeed too big for him alone-I am worried a big bird could take him away since he is alone. I loved that he followed me when I mowed the grass. I am sure he knows he is vulnerable too since his brothers are not here to protect him. He doesn't seem to mind loud noise from the lawn mower and apparently following me is his first priority. 

Meet Andrew

 Maybe it was just meant to be sometimes. When God sends you a signal, you might as well take it. I wasn't looking for a dog though I miss Pierre and Eddie. This black toy poodle reminded me of our Andrew we lost years ago. To have "Andrew" back would mean so much at this moment. So I did something crazy by driving hours all by myself to adopt him! I waited in the parking lot for over 30min and thought I was stood up. When I started to laugh at myself for doing something stupid like this, I got the text replying to me saying that her son had her phone and that was why she missed the time. Fortunately, I didn't leave and waited until that Honda van eventually showed up. She apologized, but I was grateful that this dream finally came true-he just looks like Andrew! The birth name on the CKC certificate won't be used and his name is Andrew!

I was trying to listen to a book on the way back but he was unsettling and started to woof, which sounded like he was singing. I know everything was new to him, the smell, the surroundings, the bumpy ride in my ancient car, and me. So he must be stressed from separating from that family. I switched to the music for him and hoping I won't fall asleep while driving. I started to woof with him and sing to the songs I was playing. Maybe he sensed my energy that needed the company, he settled down on my lab and leaned his head on my body. He looked up at me while I was singing "Exile" and I looked back at him in his eyes. That didn't take too long for him to fall asleep on my lap.

I gave him a shower and groomed him after coming back home. I am glad Andrew is back!

Back To Blog

 So I have been away for a few years from here. I did miss posting here like a few times a month before or at least once a month. When I needed to write long emails or papers, etc., I always think of blogging that gives me enough comfort levels for those things. Writing does clear my mind and gives me peace. I felt in the past months especially, things are changing so quickly that I couldn't comprehend. It was overwhelming. Blogging really helped me through difficult times in the past. When life seemed easy, I guess really forgot about taking good care of myself from mental perspective. I needed to apologize that I only come back here when I had nowhere else to go. I am hoping this place can still grow with me as it goes.

I started to read books, technically listen to books, thanks to audiobooks. That has been on my long time bucket list. Due to the fact I don't like to sit still to read books, I never read books for leisure. Now I can proudly say I "read" many books in the past couple of months. Maybe it's a slow progress from self growth perspective, but making any progress is better than staying the same. I believe better late than never. We learn things through life lessons, and we change for better. That's what I experienced in the past and I tend to believe in that. 

Kentucky State Fair

After seeing the commercial on TV about the discount for the State Fair and Kentucky Kingdom tickets, we bought the tickets for the event. Several people told me Saturday wasn’t a good day to go the fair, but we went anyways. It did rain quite a bit, but compared to the water sprays in the rides which got us completely soaked, the rain was nothing. The perks about going to the amusement park in the rain is that you don’t have to wait too long for the rides. We could actually take a few times without getting up in some of the rides. The tickets were totally worth it. The State Fair wasn’t really that impressive especially after you went to the Ohio State Fair which was bigger on so many levels. But the Kentucky Kingdom part was so much fun.

Moving

I have been working on the house moving for the past week. Last weekend was the hottest since the beginning of the summer. I got sunburnt pretty bad thanks to the weather. My facial skin came off partially. I have to say it was not pleasant. The truck I rented was the biggest vehicle that I have ever driven. I guess there is always a first time for everything. Moving made me walk at least 8 thousand steps everyday but I wish it was something more enjoyable instead of carrying things that haven't been cleaned for months. Oh, well, I am getting there.